If I Ever Hurt You
by suspiciousteacup
Summary: Touchstone berserkers in front of Sam and Ellimere.


Sabriel and Touchstone were sitting in the orchard, going over plans for a schooling system and keeping an eye on Ellimere and Sam, who played nearby.

Stoke of luck they should all be outside. His master had planned this well, but even she couldn't have known how lucky they'd be. They had waited several years for this moment. Much better, his master had said, to wait until the children were born and had grown a bit and then strike. Taking the children would be difficult, but they were young and did not know any magic. Once obtained they could be trained. Their natural talent would prove useful to his master. It would also be a significant blow towards the King and the Abhorsen. But only if he managed to spirit the children away without being caught. If he was caught then he was on his own, he knew. The wouldn't be able to trace him back to her because he would send himself past the ninth gate before he spoke. That would also be tricky, getting himself there without the Abhorsen catching him, but he could always use Belgaer to erase his thoughts. That was for later though. Now he must concentrate.

The children had wandered further away, amusing themselves by chasing a hummingbird.

Several guards stood nearby, chatting and enjoying the warm spring day. They weren't paying attention. Now would be the best time.

He started to cast a spell, the rank smell of free magic seeping into the fresh air. Quickly, before anyone could notice the smell or the electric feel of the spell he finished it and cast it over the children. The boy called out, but the sound was caught inside the spell. The girl called out a charter mark for light that punched at the closing darkness. Damn! They weren't supposed to know any magic yet. His mind raced. Keep going. Just get them out. Perhaps nobody –

"Ellie? Sam?" Touchstone called out.

The girl cast the light again even as he cast a spell to knock her out, causing a ripple in the spell that cloaked them. Half a second later he felt the searching spell wash over him, find him. Screw it. His master had said not to reveal himself, but he was good. He could best the two of them alone. They were surprised and the Abhorsen didn't even have her bells. He jumped out of where he had been concealing himself near the castle wall. He wore a guard's uniform, larger than he really needed as his bells were concealed under it. He reached for Saraneth now.

His blood froze as he heard an inhuman cry issue from the King, who was charging towards him. The man's face was wild, his eyes crazy. Sunbursts flew from the King's fingertips. He regained enough control of his mind to form a block, but the force of the spell threw him back behind a tree. The spell over the children snapped as his head slammed against the bark. Almost immediately he felt himself being lifted up and he felt a fist slam into his face repeatedly.

"Lara, bring Ellie and Sam to the nursery!" he distantly heard the Abhorsen called to someone.

The King picked him up and threw him at the wall. His head cracked against the stones and blinding pain flashed behind his eyes. He fell to the ground. As the world went black he wondered wether perhaps he would not need Belgaer after all.

…

"Edd and Cina take the necromancer away to a cell when I grab Touchstone." Touchstone heard Sabriel instruct two guards.

The world stood still for a moment, Touchstone's heavy breathing the only sound, and then the necromancer tried to stand. He charged towards the bloodied man, but was intercepted by Sabriel. She wrapped her arms around him and rested her forehead against his.

"You stopped him. He's not going to hurt Sam or Ellie. They're fine. Guards are taking him and we will question him later." She said gently.

His face was still red and his eyes wild, but as she held him, his breathing slowed and his shoulders slumped. He brought his arms up around hers.

"Did I kill him?" He whispered roughly. "I … in front of the children … I did't even know what I was doing. I just had to stop him." He closed his eyes.

"I know. You did." Sabriel said soothingly, rubbing her hand along his beard. She kissed him softly.

"You didn't kill him. You hurt him badly, but he'll live."

She held him tighter. "You stopped him."

Touchstone raised his head to look her in the eye. He had gone berserk in front of her three times before now, and he always feared that he would see fear in her eyes, that or disappointment, anger, perhaps disgust. He never found it. Her dark eyes held only love and worry, for him he knew. She had admitted the last time he'd gone berserk that and she couldn't stop him on time, he convulsed, threw up and fainted and she worried he wouldn't wake.

As if reading his thoughts she commented "You didn't faint this time. Or throw up."

"I suppose that's something." He said dryly.

"It is and you know it. You have more control than you did." She insisted.

"I nearly beat a man to death Sabriel! And this isn't the first time I've done it." He said angrily

"You did. And it might not be the last time either but you're not a monster and you don't lose yourself as much as you used to. You can't say that's nothing."

He sighed in frustration then looked up quickly and scanned the grounds.

"Ellie and Sam! They were here! Where -" he started.

"Lara took them to the nursery." Sabriel explained calmly. "They're fine."

"Good." Touchstone breathed. Then he seemed to realize something else and his jaw tensed. "Will they be though? They just saw their father turn into an animal. How will they trust me after that? They'll fear me." Tears collected in his eyes.

"No. We'll explain." Sabriel said firmly. "They love you, they'll understand as I do. Besides, they are very young. Most likely they will not even remember this incident. Love, don't condemn yourself so quickly." Touchstone breathed deeply, willing his tears away but still looking defeated.

"Let's go and explain." She urged. "We'll check to make sure the necromancer is in a cell and that his wounds are being tended to. We can talk to him when he is conscious. Then we'll see to Sam and Ellie."

He nodded, eyes vacant, and took her hand. She squeezed it gently in support and they headed towards the castle.

…

When they got upstairs they could hear Sam and Ellimere talking over each other, going over what had just happened and firing questions at Lara without leaving the poor guard time to answer.

"And then dad threw him at the wall like he was a pillow! He was crazy!" exclaimed Ellimere.

"No -" began Lara.

"Is he really hurt? Is he gonna die? Who is he?" asked Sam.

Touchstone looked at Sabriel, who nodded and smiled reassuringly. They pushed open the doors. The children stopped taking immediately and turned to face their parents, eyes wide.

"Ellie, Sam. Your father needs to explain what just happened. Come sit." Sabriel gestured to the carpet.

"Lara, you may leave. Thank you." Touchstone said. Lara nodded and quickly left the room.

They formed a small circle on the carpet, the children sitting a little farther from Touchstone than they normally did.

"Today when the necromancer attacked you, I lost my temper. I got very, very angry. When I get that angry, sometimes I berserker. It's in my blood." Touchstone explained slowly.

The children didn't say anything; they still stared at their father as though they didn't quite know him.

"Have you every killed somebody when you were be- like that?" queried Ellimere

Touchstone exchanged a glance with Sabriel. Just after the reservoir he had berserkered for the first time since he'd known her. He was pretty sure he'd killed someone then. He thought about lying, but decided that if he wanted their trust, he should be worthy of it.

"Yes. Once some other bad people hurt your mother and I killed at least one of them." He admitted.

"With the sun magic?" asked Sam timidly.

"Yes, with the sun magic." He confirmed.

"Does it only happen when bad people hurt people you love?" asked Ellimere.

"So far that's the only thing that's every triggered it, yes." Touchstone answered.

"Will it happen again?" asked Sam, less wary now.

"If somebody hurts Mother or us it might cause he's protecting us. Didn't you listen?" replied Ellimere.

"Ellie's right, though I'm trying very hard to make sure it won't, but I can't promise you that." He said.

"But isn't it good if you're protecting us?" questioned Ellie, confused.

"Did it look like I dealing with it well?" Touchstone asked them.

"No. You looked scary." Said Ellie.

Though he'd known it, his daughter's comment hit him hard. It was a moment before he could reply.

"The only thing I can say is that I'm trying to control my anger and deal with situations like that without losing myself. Also, your mother is quite good at stopping me when I'm berserkering, which helps me tremendously." He looked over at his wife, who smiled and squeezed his hand encouragingly.

"But what if it happens again and you forget we're us and hurt us?" asked Sam.

Touchstone inhaled sharply at the question that hit in the center of his fears.

"When your father first berserkered, I had been injured by some bad men, as he told you. He picked me up as gently as you would pick up a bird and he ran we with me in his arms all the way up a hill." Sabriel said softly. "He will never hurt us."

Sam nodded, satisfied.

Touchstone looked over at her.

"I didn't know that." He said quietly. "You never told me how you felt that first time."

"I was scared." She replied honestly. "But not that you would hurt me, not really. You looked like a mad animal. Your face was so full of anger, you were frothing at the mouth; it wasn't you. That scared me. When we got to a locked door, you kicked it down in a fury. But then you lifted me through it so carefully and gently. You made sure the splinters wouldn't hurt me. Then when we got to Sanar and Ryelle, you lay me down so softly I barely felt the arrow. Touchstone, you never forget those you love. Not even when you're not you."

His vision blurred.

Ellimere got up and walked over. She wrapped her little arms around her father's legs and rested her head on his knees. He lifted her up and pulled her into a tight hug.

"Me too!" shouted Sam, running over to his father and sister.

Touchstone pulled him up as well and held them both tightly. He would work on his temper, he vowed. He would gain control of his hot blood. They would never have to see their father like that again. Secure in his plan, he relaxed into the warmth of their hugs, knowing that even after all of that, his children trusted and loved him.


End file.
